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| Michael Cartwright writes: Our enthusiastic former (and now left the country) curate was leading a service and read some banns of marriage. He was always one to encourage taking part, and said... "If anyone knows of any reason in law why these people should not be married, that would be great." |
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| Brother Craig, who now ministers in Louisiana, writes: At the last church I pastored I was in charge of the bulletin. On one particular Sunday the chairman of the deacons approached me and said, "You might want to change this announcement." I read it out loud and I had mistyped a word. The people were encouraged to participate in a fundraiser for missions. It read... Chili Supper, Money goes to missions. $5 a bowel. |
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Benny Diction writes: While searching for secondhand biblical commentaries on alibris.co.uk recently, I came across this surprisingly honest description... I think they meant to say Word Biblical Commentary, but this ministerial student endorses the sentiment entirely! |
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| A double blessing to Paul Morley, for this double-decker blunder... Some years ago, when I was Director of Music at St John's, Hartford (in Cheshire, UK) we were forced to destroy 400 or so service sheets for the Easter Sunday 10.00am communion. At the choir practice on the Wednesday of Holy Week it was noticed that the last hymn began with the words... I know that my Redeemer lies. On sharing this with a friend of mine (the vicar of Christ Church, Wharton, Cheshire), he informed me that he had recently printed a demonically spellchecked service sheet containing a hymn with the couplet... Here, O my Lord, I see thee face to face, Her would I touch and handle things unseen. |
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| Dr Jeff Middleton writes from Fort Lauderdale, Florida: Last month I was in church on a Sunday morning. The pastor was delivering a moving and passionate message. Right in the middle of it, someone's cell phone started ringing. The person did not silence it. The seasoned pastor just kept preaching. Minutes later, the phone rang again and again. But our pastor ignored it and preached a wonderful message. The pastor's wife leaned over to me and said... "It's my husband's phone ringing from his jacket pocket. Please don't tell anybody." |
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| Fortescue writes to inform us of an irregularity at the enthronment of Roy Williamson as Bishop of Southwark, which he witnessed back in 1991. He says... Throughout the long and complex service, Bishop Roy had been ably chaplained by the young Succentor, Fr Nigel Worn, juggling books, crozier, mitre, etc., and generally steering his new Bishop around the cathedral. At the end of the service, Bishop Roy stepped forward for a few informal words of thanks to all the people who had contributed to the day... "... And a special word of thanks to Father Nigel, who had his hand up my back, twiddling my knobs..." Ten per cent of the congregation and 100 per cent of the choir exploded in laughter, while the remainder, including the new Bishop, merely looked bemused. |
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| Vancheese reports an unusual worship song in Woodlands Christian Fellowship, Bristol, England: Imagine the amusement of coming across the following typo in the second verse of "Be still for the presence of the Lord"... Be still, for the glory of the Lord is shining all around. He bums with holy fire, with splendour He is crowned. |
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| Cris writes of a church in Bristol, England: An order of service for a healing eucharist I went to recently contained the following prayer... Bless physicians and nurses, give them wisdom and skill, sympathy and patients. |
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| Rev. Stephanie relates the following story from an unnamed church in the UK: A former colleague (who shall remain anonymous to protect the implicated) was preaching on two different Bible texts. As the congregation juggled their pew Bibles he helpfully suggested... It might be easier if you keep a finger in both passages. |
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| Rev. Chris Aitcheson writes: The Presbyterian Church in Ireland has paraphrases of some parts of the Bible in metrical form for singing, which date back to who knows when. One Sunday, our organist had chosen the hymns for the day and I announced we would sing paraphrase 40, about the Prodigal Son. Fortunately, it was a small church with only about 20 people present. Everyone was singing totally unsuspectingly when we came upon this... I'll go and with a mourning voice, fall down before his face: Father, I've sinn'd 'gainst Heav'n and thee, nor can deserve thy grace. He said, and hasten'd to his home, to seek his father's love: that father saw him from afar, and all his bowels move. There were five more verses after this. It's the first time I've ever seen Presbyterians singing with such a smile on their face! Needless to say, there wasn't much singing done. |
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