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The church: Southwark Cathedral, London, England.
Denomination: Church of England.
The church: I picked up a leaflet about an organisation called Charterhouse-in-Southwark, which works in the local (deprived) community of Southwark, south London. I assume that the cathedral either runs it, or supports it, or both.
The neighbourhood: The river Thames is only yards away. There are lots of "ye olde" pubs down by the river (this was Shakespeare's old stomping ground, apparently). As you head away from the cathedral, you enter a concrete jungle; high rise buildings, a train station, and a main road carrying heavy traffic from London Bridge.
The cast: The preacher was Canon Andrew Nunn, sub-dean.
Choral eucharist.
How full was the building?
It was packed, at least 90 per cent full! I'll take a wild stab and say that there were approximately 300 people there.
Did anyone welcome you personally?
Yes, a steward said "hello" and a woman handed me a service sheet. Smiles all round.
Was your pew comfortable?
Not pews but trendy wooden chairs, with cunning little shelves built into the back where you can slot your service sheet. But they were excruciatingly uncomfortable, as the back of the chair digs into the middle of your back in exactly the wrong place.
How would you describe the pre-service atmosphere?
I was one minute late, so I completely missed the pre-service atmosphere, I'm afraid. But I have been to the cathedral once before, for an Easter day service: on that occasion, there was organ music and semi-noisy chatter.
What were the exact opening words of the service?
The first words I heard were, "Now, I know there's a Millwall supporter in here..." Turns out the canon was wishing a member of the congregation happy birthday.
What books did the congregation use during the service?
No books, no Bibles; just a service sheet and a eucharist pamphlet. The words of the hymns were printed in the service sheet, along with the order of service. It did get a bit confusing, jumping from one to the other. A bit of direction would have been nice: "turn to page 2 of your service sheet..." or "the eucharist begins on page 5 of the yellow pamphlet..." If I hadn't been an experienced Anglican, I would have been totally lost.
What musical instruments were played?
Organ and choir – not the usual cathedral choir, though, as they were on holiday. A group called the Garland Singers were filling in.
Did anything distract you?
Lots of things! The clergy's lovely gold outfits; the stained glass window above the altar – a blue sky with doves; the huge shiny bald head of one of the men carrying sticks; trying to spot Timothy West in the congregation (apparently he's a regular); my list goes on and on.
Was the worship stiff-upper-lip, happy clappy, or what?
I'm no expert, but I'm guessing you'd call it Anglo-catholic, as there was lots of incense wafting about. Also, before the canon did the Gospel reading, he walked up the aisle to the middle of the church, accompanied by some folks carrying sticks and an enormous gold-covered Bible. Fascinating stuff, I only wish I knew what it all meant! On the down side, the bland Z-list hymns were a big let down.
Exactly how long was the sermon?
13 minutes.
On a scale of 1-10, how good was the preacher?
8 – The canon was thought-provoking, and managed to sustain my interest for the whole 13 minutes (apart from a brief wobble about 5 minutes in). I also thought it was pretty brave of him to describe himself as an "agnostic Christian", with more questions than answers.
In a nutshell, what was the sermon about?
It was based on today's reading about Doubting Thomas. The canon told the story of a young ex-nun who was struggling to adjust to life in the secular world, because within the religious community she had been (literally) forbidden to ask questions. He went on to say that it's ok to ask questions – in fact it's a vitally important part of being a member of a church community. He finished off by saying that God is "more vast than all of our questions and answers put together".
Which part of the service was like being in heaven?
Just before the eucharist, when the choir were signing something particularly gorgeous. The smell of incense had finally reached the back of the building, where I was sat, watching the clergy mill around in their fabulous gold outfits.
And which part was like being in... er... the other place?
The puritanical chairs. And at one point, I looked out of the corner of my eye and saw my friend silently choking on the incense.
What happened when you hung around after the service looking lost?
I tried to look lost, but it was a bit tricky as I'd brought a friend with me. We went and got drinks and biscuits and stood around for a while, but nobody came and said hello. It was at this point that I noticed that most of the congregation seemed to be middle class and well-heeled.
How would you describe the after-service coffee?
I don't drink coffee, but the orange juice was very superior stuff! Nice custard creams, too. They even had a fair trade stall.
How would you feel about making this church your regular (where 10 = ecstatic, 0 = terminal)?
9 – I will be making this my regular church! It's exactly my cup of tea. I liked the theatrical Anglo-catholic stuff. And it's friendly, but you can be anonymous if you want to be. I do have one or two slight reservations, though. It's going to be difficult to find a niche in a church with such a large, fluid congregation, where you're never quite sure who's a tourist and who's been attending for 50 years. Also, truthfully, am I posh enough to fit in?
Did the service make you feel glad to be a Christian?
Yes, it felt like coming home.
What one thing will you remember about all this in seven days' time?
I was a little bit blown away by the fact that I wasn't the only 20-something there! I counted at least 10 people my own age in the immediate vicinity – and they weren't just engaged couples doing their grim duty to get on the electoral roll, either, from what I could tell. They had come, er, voluntarily. Like, wow, man.
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