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The church: Lincoln Cathedral, England.
Denomination: Church of England.
The building: Traditional cross-shaped cathedral of Norman (11th Centrury) origin, built out of local sandstone. The cathedral is 482ft long and has a tower that is 271ft high. Its notable features include an ornately crafted west front, inspiring organ screen, and a kinky roof – where the builders went a bit wrong, and had to change direction mid-build.
The neighbourhood: Built at the top of a very steep hill (the road up from the main town is called "Steep Hill"), the cathedral sits alongside the castle, with commanding views of the town and surrounding countryside. Its location is no accident. It was deliberatly placed for maximum effect, and can been seen from up to 20 miles away.
The cast: The sub-dean. His monk-like appearance was emphasised by the brown sandles worn under his robes.
Choral Evensong.
How full was the building?
The choir (where this service took place) was about half full. The rest of the cathedral was still open to the public, and was attracting huge crowds of tourists.
Did anyone welcome you personally?
The Precentor (the priest taking the service) welcomed us warmly. The other priests (being hangers-on with no apparent purpose) remained silent, avoiding all eye contact.
Was your pew comfortable?
The most uncomfortable seats ever. The pews are beautiful to look at, but they had bits that stuck out between the seats at approximately shoulder level – originally designed to prop people up, so that you could take a quick nap during the sermon without falling over. However, for anyone with a more-than-average frame, those rests meant that you couldn't lean back, and had to sit hunched forward.
How would you describe the pre-service atmosphere?
The cathedral was swarming with tourists up until about 10 minutes before the service, but they were ushered out of the Choir and into the nave. After that, a respectful quiet was kept, with some delicate tinkling on the organ.
What were the exact opening words of the service?
"O Lord, open thou our lips" (sung).
What books did the congregation use during the service?
Hymn book ("New English Hynmal"); Prayer Book (1662).
What musical instruments were played?
The recently restored four-manual "Father" Henry Willis Organ.
Did anything distract you?
Screaming children running around in different parts of the building.
Was the worship stiff-upper-lip, happy clappy, or what?
Traditional C. of E. cathedral evensong. Following the same form of worship that has taken place at the same time every day for hundreds of years.
Exactly how long was the sermon?
12 minutes.
On a scale of 1-10, how good was the preacher?
6, maybe 7. I couldn't really concentrate because my seat was so uncomfortable.
In a nutshell, what was the sermon about?
The transfiguration.
Which part of the service was like being in heaven?
The wonderful singing of the choir. The cathedral choir were on holiday, and so a visiting choir of young men and women provided the music. Together with an over-excitable organist, it was a truly fantastic sound.
And which part was like being in... er... the other place?
My pew? Not much else. The cathedral is a wonderful building, and you always feel you're part of something special when you worship there.
What happened when you hung around after the service looking lost?
The tourists were let back in, and within 30 seconds I was lost in a sea of cameras, small children and people in kagools. There is no apparent after-service fellowship, as by that time it's just after 6pm, and most people are either heading home for dinner, or finding one of the local pubs for a stiff drink (the later being mostly done by the choir).
How would you describe the after-service coffee?
Absent. They only serve coffee after the eucharist on Sundays. However, they do have a rather nice little tea-shop in which you can make your own arrangements.
How would you feel about making this church your regular (where 10 = ecstatic, 0 = terminal)?
10. I would love to come here all the time, but I live too far away to commute.
Did the service make you feel glad to be a Christian?
Yes. To quote from the Bible (not something I normally do) from somewhere in Genesis: "How awesome is this place! This is none other than the house of God; this is the gate of heaven."
What one thing will you remember about all this in seven days' time?
The beautiful singing of the choir and explosive might of the organ.
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