The ultimate stocking chiller! This State-side (oh, really?) invention features a standard stone memorial with the bizarre addition of a built-in speaker. A recorded announcement is triggered by invisible beam, so that every time a visitor comes near the grave a metallic voice declares from the headstone...

Hi! I was Jane Smith. I died at 10.15am, Thursday, November 25th 1994. Thanks for coming to see me. Have a nice day.

Shown above is the version with added video, which displays pages of text, photographs, family trees and all the other things you'd just love to browse through while sitting on your loved-one's grave. The price for this tasteful granite-and-bronze memorial? Just $4995.00 (batteries included).