| You have just entered the Fruitcake Zone. Here you will find the weird, wild and wonderful world of religious fruitcake, with websites that unwittingly put the "fun" back into fundamentalism. And the "mental", come to think of it.
This page contains our current Top Ten. For vintage fruitcake, dip into the Fruitcake Archive. While you're
out surfing, if you see any sites you think the rest of us would enjoy,
do let us know about them. |
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Jesuspizza – The face of Jesus appears all over the place, from chapatis to condensation, bringing succour to the faithful and faith to suckers. But what if he materialised in someone's pizza and they never noticed? The Jesuspizza project exists to avert that disaster. It gives you software that downloads images from pizzacams around the world, and compares them digitally to the face of Christ. Join the search for a cheese feast with anchovies and our Lord now. |
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The World's Last Chance – Two years into Pope Benedict's reign, speculation has already started as to his successor. Experts at The World's Last Chance are confidently predicting an outsider: Satan. Impersonating John Paul II. He will follow with "other impersonations of known personalities climaxing with the impersonation of Jesus Christ". Sounds like a controversial episode of Dead Ringers. |
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Super-faith – What do George W Bush and Superman have in common? They're both Methodists. Spiderman is a lapsed Catholic, the Invisible Woman Episcopalian, Elektra Orthodox and Wonderwoman pagan. This section of the adherents.com site catalogues the religious affiliation of hundreds of superheroes, their archenemies and sidekicks. All questions on this vast subject are answered, with the notable exception of "Why?" It may surprise you to see the Virgin Mary listed, especially as she comes in as evangelical Protestant. |
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Velvet Vulva – If you want to "honour the goddess" within and without, you could do a lot worse than a Velvet Vulva. They are lusciously pouting hats and handbags, modelled on those well-known "sacred portals to the feminine temple", or "rude bits", as they are also known. They radiate positive feminine energy as well as providing somewhere to put your lippy. Ideal for the woman who likes to wear her heart on her sleeve and her genitalia on her head. And doesn't mind looking a twat. |
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Non-Raptured – Jesus will come for the saints any day now, and your odds of being among them are not good. Non-Raptured.com is your guide to making the most of being left behind. Speculate to accumulate on that volatiile tribulation economy. Get soon-to-be-raptured friends to leave you their worldy goods to stop them falling to the worldwide government of Antichrist. Don't miss the map of how the big day will affect US politics. |
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Return of the Revolutionaries – Here's a new answer to an old question. Q. Why does Tony Blair feel such dogged commitment to George W Bush's war on terror? A. Because he's a reincarnation of General Lafayette, the French (ha!) noble who supported the American war of independence. This site reveals that US founding fathers are among us again, in the shape of Bush, Kerry, Carl Sagan and Oprah Winfrey. In other news, Osama bin Laden used to be Gordon of Khartoum, and Charles Dickens is now J K Rowling |
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Brother Gipp – "Are Homosexuals Superior To YOU?" is the latest starter for ten from evangelist, author and head of Von Trapp-style family, Samuel Gipp. Answer: they are "the lowest form of human life... vile and repulsive and [you guessed it] horribly intolerant", but on the plus side they're damn persistent. In other news: global warming is a myth designed by media conspirators to come between Americans and their God-given cars; and OTWs (Other Than White) are pampered, liberal-brainwashed potential terrorists. I want to die. |
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Arch of Triumph – What does the world most need now? Of course peace, justice and the abduction by aliens of the Bush administration would be nice, but No.1 priority has to be a 70 foot high golden M. Not in fact connected with Ronald McDonald, this $100m project is about that other children's favourite the Blessed Virgin Mary. The proposed arch on the banks of Lake Erie would be the largest (and kitschest) monument in the world and commemorate Mary's victory over Soviet communism. (You remember.) Yes, you can make a donation. |
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Hypocrites on Parade – This is some of the best-made fruitcake I've sampled. It's a series of movies warning all true Christians against the ultimate evil – Catholicism – and the hypocrites who don't hate the Pope enough (more or less everybody). Funky graphics, a cool soundtrack from Aimee Mann to Mozart, witty irreverent text, and as mad as a moose in flairs. |
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Afterlife Telegrams –
Afterlife Telegrams offer an invaluable service to the bereaved. You write
a message to your Dear Departed, and they give it to a terminally ill volunteer.
Volunteer passes away and, once in the Great Beyond, goes on Orphean quest
for Dear Departed. Departed gets message, Bereaved gets comfort, Volunteer
gets sense that they did not die in vain, and Afterlife Telegrams get a
fiver. We are not told how the volunteers are recruited, but next time you
hear someone going round hospital saying "Excuse me, are you dying? OK,
well this may sound a bit weird, but...", you'll know why. |
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